the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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