No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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