Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
