Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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