I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
