I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
