The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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