He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
