You can't motorboat a personality
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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