non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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