ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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