I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
