Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
