Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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