My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
