Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
