I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
