just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
