I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
