Who did Billy Mays play for?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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