you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
