did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
