I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
