3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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