Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
