well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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