Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
