I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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