i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
