Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
