dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
