i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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