I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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