I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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