watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
