I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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