life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
