I'm jealous of your bromance
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
