I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My vagina just recognized that song.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
