Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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