I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
