Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
