last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My feet surprised me
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