the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
