i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
