I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
