After last night, I could never be a politician.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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