Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
