Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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