I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
